


Faulty Information

by sssrha



Category: Naruto
Genre: (feat. teenage shenaniganry), ...Technically, And Lots of It, And Midnight Grocery Runs, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Gen, I mean come on, Mentioned Pregnancy, Murder, Somewhat Morbid, Uchiha Itachi Has Issues, Uchiha Itachi-centric, Uchiha Massacre, Various Annoying Technicalities, aka: Itachi is not having a good time, but still, i mean the guy was an asshole, like seriously i will never believe that all the uchiha were actually in the compound, no beta we die like that one guy itachi brutally murdered just for kicks, of the internal and external sort, underage clubbing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25286017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sssrha/pseuds/sssrha
Summary: The plan was simple: kill off the Uchiha Clan in a single night. Itachi thought he had it handled. Then he found out an important bit of information (which really shouldn't have been surprising): a curfew definitely wasn't going to stop his fellow youths from breaking out of the Compound that night.(Because there is no way that every single Uchiha was in the Compound during the night of the Massacre.)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 43





	Faulty Information

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I wrote this a good two years ago so my writing style has changed a lot. I did some editing and fixed a few clunky things here and there, but it's still pretty close to the original. Keep that in mind while reading it, okay? Thanks.

**Itachi watched** on impassively as his latest victim fell to the ground, clutching the sword wound in her stomach. She was one of the many Uchiha he had slain so far. Itachi turned to leave before the woman spoke one final, weak word. A name. "Sayu…" The woman stopped breathing and Itachi paused. Sayu? Who was that?

He glanced over at the now-shattered picture on the floor. Through the broken glass, he saw a family of three. Two of them he had already killed, as they were both in the house. The other, however, wasn't. His eyebrows scrunched.

Where was the girl who was in that photo? Itachi vaguely remembered her. She wasn't dead yet, that's for sure, so where was she? Why wasn't she at her house? Didn't his father make it clear that he wanted everyone to be home tonight?

He sniffed the air. While his nose definitely wasn't the best, it was quite competent. The clearest sent, other than the woman and her husband's, left a trail. A trail that left the house. As he followed the trail, he learned that it also led out of the compound walls. Itachi sighed. Why didn't kids listen to their elders anymore?

To think, he thought that last house was his final destination before heading to his own.

* * *

**He managed** to track the scent to...a club. A freaking club! The music was still on and he could hear people inside. And the alcohol was definitely smellable. Luckily, the girl wasn't in the club itself (he found that he was quite incompetent in social settings), she was standing to the side of the building with three other girls, sobbing.

His eye twitched as he realized two things. One, that she had disregarded direct orders from the head of her clan to go clubbing, and two, that she wasn't old enough to go clubbing in the first place. While her makeup made her look older, any trained ninja could tell she was a minor. Unfortunately, clubs don't tend to keep ninja as security.

Turning his attention back to the girl, he started to hear their conversation.

"—can't believe he cheated on me!"

"Hey! Sayu, don't cry! He's a jerk!"

"No, he's not!" Sayu sobbed. "He's so sweet and charming and—and—"

"If he's so sweet and charming," one of the girls said, "then why would he cheat on you?"

"Because I'm pushy and jealous and I’m a horrible person!"

"No, you're not, Sayu! Don't even think that! You're a beautiful, strong, independent girl! You don't need him!"

"But I want him!"

"Sayu…it's not like it was a match made in heaven, anyway—" one of the girls started before another grabbed her.

The girl who had grabbed her hissed, "What do you think you are doing?"

"Trust me," she said calmly before turning back to Sayu. "It wasn't a match made in heaven, anyway. Besides, you're both related, and that's never a good sign."

"We're not that closely related!" Sayu sobbed/yelled.

"Well, you do have the same family name—"

"That's because we're part of the same clan!"

Itachi's eyes widened. Another one.  _ ‘Don't jump to conclusions,’ _ he told himself.  _ ‘Maybe he was back at the compound—’ _

"—and she just walked up to him and started demanding who I was and his face was all pale and then I  _ knew _ . He started apologizing to both of us and begged us not to cry, but then she grabbed his hand and dragged him out the back door and—"

Itachi's eye twitched. Again. ‘ _ Well, at least I know where another Uchiha is…’ _

He put a genjutsu on all four of them and silently killed Sayu. He did a quick Shunshin to put her body in the compound, and then came back to where he was. He glanced at the three girls who were still under a genjutsu, then sighed. He couldn't just leave them incapacitated in an alley next to a club… 

He Shunshined them in front of the Hospital, then broke the genjutsu. They stayed unconscious, but Itachi knew that a staff member from the Hospital would find them quickly.

_ ‘Now then, off to find the cheater…’ _

* * *

"—you asshole! Why the Hell did you cheat on me?!"

"Hisoka, I'm sorry! I didn't mean—"

"What didn't you mean?! You cheated on me, you piece of crap! I ought to—"

Itachi grit his teeth. He did not want to listen to this right now.

"—and she's obviously a lot younger than you! What the Hell is wrong with you, you idiot?"

"Hisoka, please—"

"And to think, now I'm pregnant with your freaking kid!"

"What?!"

Itachi's reaction was around the same, except it wasn't out loud. ‘ _ She's pregnant?! What the heck is wrong with the kids in my generation?!’ _

"Hisoka, what do you mean—"

"I mean what I said, you utter moron!"

"Hisoka, I-I'm sorry!" He bowed deeply, startling Hisoka. "I'm so sorry! I made some…very horrible decisions, and now I'm willing to support you and the baby."

"…you are?" Hisoka asked. He nodded, still in a deep bow.

Back to Itachi, he blinked as he realized something.  _ ‘I'm suddenly way too invested in this! Snap out of it! You're killing your clan, not watching a teen drama!’ _

Steeling himself, Itachi cast a subtle genjutsu meant to knock them out. However, the two of them just stiffened before immediately putting their hands into a seal. "Kai," they both said clearly.

_ ‘Oh my god!’ _ Itachi thought.  _ ‘I'm such an idiot! I didn't even consider the fact that they could be ninja!’ _

They were both suddenly back-to-back, kunai in their hands, glancing around, looking for the unseen enemy.

Sighing, he readied his sword, about to strike, before pausing. Wait…was he just supposed to kill the boy, or was he supposed to kill the girl, too? She wasn't an Uchiha herself, but she was pregnant with one. Still, the child wasn't even born yet…but then again, the baby would probably have the Sharingan, something Itachi was sure Danzo would love to get his hands on. Danzo promised not to touch Sasuke, but he didn't say anything about this baby…

Itachi mentally cussed. Neither Danzo nor Madara had told him what to do in a situation like this.

After three seconds of intense thinking, he decided the kid needed to go. Since he couldn't exactly drop the girl in front of the Hospital and demand that they give her an abortion, that meant she had to go, too.

_ ‘Next time I do something so high-stakes, I'm making sure that every possible scenario is covered. I'm NOT ending up in this situation again, thank you very much.’ _

He lunged towards the two ninja.

* * *

**While Itachi** made his way back to the Compound, he started thinking.

_ ‘Am I really doing this? This isn't some cruel dream, is it? I'm killing my own family…but it's for the good of the village. Still…Aunt Ainu…Uncle Haruo…little Hotaka…and Old Man Kyou— _

_ ‘Wait. _

_ ‘Old Man Kyou doesn't live in the compound because he's not legally an Uchiha…which means I haven't killed him yet…’ _

Itachi's eye twitched yet again. Why does this keep happening?

* * *

**Itachi quietly** entered the house of one of his idols. He was now to kill said idol.

Old Man Kyou was not legally an Uchiha. His mother was part of the clan, but his father wasn't. Kyou still had the Sharingan and with it, he became a beast on the battlefield during the Third Great Shinobi War. Since he did not bear the Uchiha name nor the clan crest, he was exempt from the government's confining of the clan. But he was still and Uchiha by blood…so what was he supposed to do?

Itachi knew without even thinking about it. He raised his sword before pausing yet again. Was he supposed to kill Old Man Kyou's wife, too? And for that matter, what about his kids? All three of them were already grown and living on their own, and two of them had the Sharingan. However, Itachi knew that the Sharingan could skip generations, so…

_ ‘Well,’ _ Itachi thought humorlessly (and morbidly),  _ ‘when in doubt, kill them all.’ _

He was never massacring an entire clan again. It was just way too much trouble.

* * *

**Itachi killed** the first two brothers easy enough but paused at the third. He was sleeping in his bed with his girlfriend, and Itachi didn't know what to do about her. She wasn't an Uchiha…but Itachi had no idea if she was pregnant or not. Normally, Itachi wouldn't think about it, but after the whole debacle with Hisoka and the Uchiha boy (Itachi just realized he still didn't know his name), he wasn't going to take any chances.

And since he couldn't exactly wake her up, hand her a pregnancy test, and figure it out for sure (and, again, he couldn't just go to the Hospital and demand an answer), he had to kill her.

_ ‘This is getting way too out of hand.’ _

He should probably make sure there are no more Uchiha-by-bloods he's missed. Sighing, he started to do a quick inspection of all of the houses in the village. This was going to take a while.

* * *

**Once again** on his way back to the Compound, Itachi's eye twitched when he heard, "Don't worry Kaori, we can just make a quick trip to the store and get back to the compound in no time! No one will find out that we left!"

"Mitsuru, I don't want to take the chance! Do you have any idea how mad Father will be if he does find out?"

"Do you have any idea how mad I'll be tomorrow morning when I wake up and there's no cereal? Or milk? Or  _ anything _ ?"

"Mitsuru—"

"Kaori, we need to  _ eat _ . Father's been way too distracted lately and our pantry and fridge are  _ empty _ . I love Mother, but I don't want to see her in heaven just yet. If it means that we won't starve, then I'm more than happy to do a midnight grocery run when there's a curfew."

Itachi blinked.  _ ‘Some of the adults in our clan are downright incompetent.’ _

He readied his sword before a voice next to him said, "Itachi, what are you doing here?"

Itachi turned, startled. He came face-to-face…er, face-to-mask. "Madara," Itachi said in acknowledgment. "I'm killing the clan."

"If you're killing the clan, then why aren't you at the clan compound?"

"Because, apparently, kids these days don't listen to their elders, have kids themselves, and have incompetent parents. And then there are the Uchiha who don't actually live in the compound…"

Madara stared. "…I see."

Itachi sighed. "No, you don't see."

"…nevertheless, why were you standing here?"

"To kill the two Uchiha kids who snuck out of the compound for a midnight grocery run."

"I'll take care of them. You go back to the compound. You still need to kill your parents and Sasuke is on his way home."

Something twisted in Itachi's heart, but he nodded. He turned and leaped away.

* * *

"Take care of Sasuke."

"I will." Itachi paused. "Oh, and Father?"

Fugaku's stare stayed forward. "I told you not to hesitate."

"I-I won't. I just wanted to tell you that the kids of my generation are very anti-authoritative. Thought it would be something good to know in heaven."

"…I see."

For a few seconds, silence reigned, before Itachi whispered, tears streaming down his face, "Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

* * *

"Mr. Sadao."

"What—oh, I'm up!" the night-security guard yelled. He blinked over at the medic-nin who was standing in front of him. "W-What is it, Doctor Shiori?"

"Why are there three unconscious women in front of the Hospital?"

"Unconscious…" He glanced behind the doctor, out the hospital doors. His eyes widened. "What the heck?!"

Doctor Shiori sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Stupid, incompetent Chunin," she muttered while Sadao hurriedly woke the three women and brought them inside. "The next thing you know, he'll let a mass murderer go without even noticing anything. I swear…"

**Author's Note:**

> I was going through my fics and I realized that I never posted this one on AO3, which is a shame because it's one of my favorites that I've written. But I've done it now, so please I hope you liked it!


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